Two guys
Two men are in bar. One jumps out the window, flys around, and comes back.
"You can do that too, if you drink the MAGIC beer", the man says.
The other man takes a sip of the beer, jumps out the window and leaps to his death.
To which bartender replies,"Superman, you're such a jerk when you're drunk."
The pigs
A pig went into a bar, and bought a beer. He drank it. Then he asked
where the bathroom was.
The bartender responds, "In the back and to the left."
The pig goes to the bathroom and leaves.
An hour later another pig went into a bar, and bought two beers.
He drank them. Then he asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender responds, "In the back and to the left."
The pig goes to the bathroom and leaves.
A third pig went into a bar, and bought three beers. He drank
ALL of them. Then he asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender responds, "In the back and to the left."
The pig goes to the bathroom and leaves.
A fourth pig went into a bar, and bought four beers. He drank
every last bit. Then he asked where the bathroom was.
The bartender responds, "In the back and to the left."
The pig goes to the bathroom and leaves.
A fifth pig went into a bar, and bought five beers. He drank ALL
of them.
He was leaving when the bartender says, "You drank 5 full beers!
Aren't you going to the bathroom?"
The pig responds, "No, I'm the fifth little piggy that goes wee
wee wee all the way home."
A guy and a bartender
A guy walks up to a bar and buys a drink. He then say to the bartender,
"I'll bet $100 dollars that I can lick my own eye!"
The bartender looked a little confused at first, but after a having a second to think, he decided that it was an easy bet, since there was no possible way this guy could lick his own eye. So the bartender said,
"You're on! I bet you hundred dollars you CAN'T lick your own eye!", and the two men shook on it.
"Ok, then..." said the first man. He then removed his glass eye and licked it.
The bartender stared in disbelief. The first man could see he was clearly upset.
"Ok, ok. That was a little cheap" the first man said. "But I'll bet you $100 I can't bite my other eye!"
The bartender thougt, this guy can't possibly have two glass eyes, so he took the bet and shook on it. "Ok, I bet you $100 you CAN'T bite your other eye."
"Very well, then..." said the first man. He then removed his dentures and bit his other eye.
The bartender was now very upset. He'd lost $200, and made a fool of himself in the process!
The first man decided to give him a real chance to win his money back.
"I'll give you a chance to win your money back now. I bet you $200 that I can spit a shot glass' worth of whiskey all the way across the bar, and land every last drop in the other shot glass."
The bartender knew there was no way THIS was possible, so he took the bet, shook on it, and handed the man a shot glass of whiskey.
"Ok, fine, I bet you $200 you CAN'T spit that shot glass of whiskey and land it ALL in that other shot glass at the end of the bar!"
"Ok..." said the first man. He then proceeded to spray whiskey all up and down the bar.
The bartender, with a huge, wide smile, gladly took the $200 back and began wiping up the mess on the bar, his smile still showing brightly.
"Why did you do that?" asked the bartender. "You knew you couldn't have possibly pulled that off... why didn't you just leave with my money?"
The first man looked at him and said, "Because I just bet that guy right over there $500 I could make a mess on your bar, and have you wipe it up with a big, bright smile on your face."